Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
