Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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