It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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