Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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