Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
