It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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