I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
