Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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