i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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