Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
