"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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