just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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