i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
