HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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