Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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