Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
