do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
