It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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