I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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