his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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