Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
