I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
