true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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