Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
