She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
