I need help removing her.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
