I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This baby is an asshole
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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