Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
