You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
