She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
