yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
