And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
