yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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