just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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