before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
