I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
