I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
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i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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