remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You are the jesus of drinking
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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