ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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