I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
