i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
