So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
