This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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