My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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