I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
