You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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