I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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