susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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