Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I supernannyed him into submission
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize