I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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