That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
