Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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