Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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