He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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