Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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