my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
