i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
