We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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