remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
