It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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