Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
