The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
