oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
