it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
