obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
